Tell Her I Love Her

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[00:00:00] When you are being Judgy McJudgerson, what the heck do you do? Welcome to Tools to Create a Better Life with myself, Glenyce Hughes. Thank you so much for being here. I am so incredibly grateful for you. 

 

[00:00:14] Yeah. What do you do when you are Judgy McJudgerson? 

 

For probably most of us — probably all of us here, that is the worst thing. What often occurs is we might judge someone else. We might judge an experience, a situation, whatever it is, and then we are way harder on ourselves because of the judgment we just did. What we wanna look at is how can we change that. How can we change the judgment in the first place? 

 

[00:00:45] The first thing you wanna recognize is that… that’s going to occur. That judgment is going to show up. Now, will there be a day that you don’t judge? I mean, I wonder. Wouldn’t that be cool? 

 

But also, it isn’t really about never judging again. I know a lot of times when I’m doing classes and sessions, I’ll say to people, “If you could get anything out of this, what would it be?”

 

A lot of people will say, “I never wanna judge again.” 

 

And I say, “Let’s change that.” Let’s change that to more of an ask around really being aware when you’re doing it and changing it the moment you become aware of it. Yeah.

 

[00:01:27] If you’re watching this on video, my camera might start to shake a little bit. We’ve got a little kitty here. Yes, we are house sitting in Calgary still, and she just seems to like, as many cats seem to like, rubbing up against the tripod. 

 

[00:01:41] But anyway, back to what we were talking about. We wanna look more at the ask to be way more aware when we are judging and whether it’s ourselves, someone else, something else, it doesn’t matter. And then in that moment that we become aware of it, let’s change it. 

 

[00:01:59] Yes, this is what they do and yes, it’s okay. 

 

[00:02:04] With that, we’re getting out of this, I’m almost gonna say, fantasy that we never judge again. Because a lot of times — I mean there’s so, so much to it. 

 

[00:02:18] First off, I’m gonna say for probably most of us, it’s what we were taught. It was how we were taught to distinguish right and wrong. Now, I don’t mean that we were taught correctly. I don’t mean that that’s the way it should be. It’s just that’s pretty much what we were done. 

 

This is how you do it: you judge to distinguish what is right and wrong for you based on what you’ve been told and all the pieces. So, that judgment is quite quick to come up. 

 

[00:02:49] It’s not wrong, but we wanna recognize we have other ways that we can actually be. We could recognize that something that somebody is choosing doesn’t have to be wrong for them. Right? 

 

That’s often where judgment comes in: we look at it [and think] we would never do it, we would never choose it. So then, it’s the judgment that they shouldn’t or they’re wrong, rather than recognizing — and this is the tool that I wanna share — [that] if you are in that space, just acknowledge for you. 

 

[00:03:22] You don’t have to say it out loud as, “Wow, I wouldn’t choose that.” Not from sarcasm, not from judgment, not from anything except just acknowledgement to you. “Wow… I wouldn’t choose that.” 

 

[00:03:36] You know, now that we’re living in the city, it’s a lot louder in my world. For the most part, when we lived at our house with the big pool and all of that, I didn’t actually leave a lot. I really stayed at home most of the time. I had everything I needed there.

 

Here, we’re pretty much going out every day, and that’s something we’ve chose to do. Something we’ve really looked at how we would like to be living. One of those ways is to have a different experience. Try the things that maybe we would’ve tried. 

 

[00:04:15] One of the things I would tell myself before when we lived on the acreage was I’d see maybe a farmer’s market. I’d see on Facebook [that] somebody had a farmer’s market locally, and I’d be like, “Oh man, if I live closer to town, I’d go,” which was actually just a really big lie because I wouldn’t. I had a little routine, and until we changed everything, I didn’t actually recognize how much of a routine I had, like, woah. How much of a routine I had! 

 

Now, I’ve really chose to not have a routine. I’ve really chose to change things up. One of those changes is to go out every day. Do something different every day. It’s been different things, like the Calgary Stampede. 

 

[00:05:01] If you know Hubby or I at all, that’s not where you’d find us, except that’s what we chose. I actually was surprised he joined me. I actually thought I would go alone or check in with some friends that live locally. Although, a lot of Calgarians don’t go to the Calgary Stampede, which is funny. But of course, it’s not for everybody. 

 

I’m grateful that we went. I had fun. I went and watched… there was Powwow Championships, different types of dances, and it was amazing. And then there was a dog show – oh my gosh, that was so cool. 

 

We, of course, had to try some fair food or Stampede food. I bought a corn dog – it was called a Big Pickle Corn Dog or something. Anyway, it went to the garbage. I had two bites and it was like, “This is gross.” But anyway, there were lots of different things. 

 

[00:05:54] So, we were out every day trying something new. I’m with people every day and there is a lot of judgment out there. There is a lot of judgment of choices that people would be choosing that I just wouldn’t choose. What can assist me in that moment is that if I can just acknowledge what is – “Wow, I wouldn’t choose that.” 

 

[00:06:18] Some of the things that I saw going on at the Stampede – “Wow, I wouldn’t choose that.” It doesn’t make me right in not choosing it. It doesn’t make me wrong and it doesn’t make them wrong or right either. It’s just an acknowledgement of what is. When we can acknowledge what is, that changes everything because acknowledging what is, there’s such a relief to it. 

 

[00:06:43] A few weeks ago, I talked about how I had a lot of weird energy around leaving the acreage that we just sold. Some of it, of course, was all the things. But some of it was so weird and until I was able to acknowledge what it was, I didn’t have that relief. As soon as I acknowledged, it was like, oh my gosh… there’s the space. 

 

[00:07:07] That’s what I’m looking for, especially when I’m out, say, at Calgary Stampede with thousands of people. I’m looking for that space. I’m interested in that space. I’d like to be that space and contribute to more of that space, but I can’t if I’m caught in the, “They shouldn’t do that. They’re wrong ’cause they’re doing that,” whatever it might be. 

 

[00:07:25] I can’t even actually think of an example now. At the Stampede, I’m sure there were many of them. But there was just this space of recognizing that we don’t have to be the Judgy Judgerson that we’re so used to. 

 

[00:07:40] I mean, go on any social media for a few minutes and recognize or start to look at the judgment from people, whether it’s in their posts and they’re saying how something is wrong or something is right, and then the people who are defending against or for it and all of that insanity rather than just like, “Wow… That’s not for me” or “I wouldn’t choose that,” however you wanna. Just acknowledge what is true. That will change everything for you. 

 

[00:08:10] I feel like I’ve been saying that a lot over these past few weeks in sessions and videos and such because until you really get the power of that, it can seem like it’s just words. It’s just a weird way to deal with things. 

 

[00:08:29] Even if you have somebody in your life that’s just driving you nuts right now, if you were to get really present with that and acknowledge what is – acknowledge that they’re driving you nuts – and I would even bring it down into what’s exactly going on. You know? ’cause that’s a pretty general statement. “They are driving me nuts.” What is really going on? 

 

“Well, when they don’t text back, that drives me nuts or something.” You wanna get right down to the nitty gritty of it and acknowledge what is, and that can give you more information. 

 

[00:09:01] That can give you more information in terms of like, let’s say it’s a client that you’re working with. They don’t get back to you when they need to. They don’t get you the information that you need to do your job, those sorts of things. 

 

You can get clear like, “Wow… That’s really what’s bothering me. When they don’t get me the information I need Monday morning, then I can’t do my job until Tuesday morning when they get it to me. Okay, so what do I need to do here? Wow… I need to be clearer with them that…” whatever it is. Maybe that you get it Monday morning, or if there’s an additional charge every day that it’s late or something like that. It just gives you so much more information. 

 

[00:09:40] But what happens is we get caught up in that Judgy Judgerson. We get caught up in how wrong they are and how bad they are, and then usually we tell all the people around us that will listen, which is only creating more of that drama-trauma, and then we’ve lumped it all together. 

 

We’ve made it all one big story rather than, “Wow… it just really bothers me when I don’t get the stuff on Monday morning, that I’ve slotted their time on Mondays – that’s what works for me in my schedule.” Now, we’ve got clarity. Now, you can actually take some steps to change it. 

 

[00:10:12] Maybe they will say to you, “Mondays don’t work for me.” 

 

“Okay, cool. Then when would, and can you work it out?” If [they] can’t, that’s great information too. Be like, “Okay, cool. Thank you so much. We’ll let your contract go and you can go to somebody else.” 

 

[00:10:30] I say all of this, guys, and it’s kind of funny as I’m saying this because Ericka, who does all of the work with all of the videos after I record them, I really do know that getting these recorded earlier in the week probably, she’s never said anything, but [it] probably makes her life easier and doesn’t leave her to the last minute to getting them done by the time she’s done work on Friday. It is in my world, certainly, to get them done sooner rather than later. 

 

[00:10:59] Sometimes, they actually don’t get done until Wednesday or Thursday. I would say never Friday, but there could have been times. But I know there’s a lot of work that goes into these videos once they’re recorded. 

 

[00:11:13] I’m talking about this, but also kind of laughing at myself going, man… I don’t have them to her Monday morning. I will say that. Maybe sometimes, maybe more so if I do a batch of recordings at once, but I tend to do them each week. I just find the energy in my world, the stuff that’s going on in my world is a little bit more ease to talk about. Anyway, I went off a little bit. 

 

[00:11:38] So, recognize with that — when you are becoming Judgy Judgerson — that one, that’s okay. Don’t judge you for becoming Judgy Judgerson because now you’re just gonna dig a bigger hole. 

 

You do wanna look at, “Okay, how can I change this?” and the tool that I have just found to be the quickest, the easiest in that moment is I just wouldn’t choose that. “Wow, I wouldn’t choose that,” and then carry on. I don’t mean [to] piece it apart, like, “Wow, I wouldn’t choose that because of this or this…” No. Just acknowledge what is and then carry on with your life.

 

[00:12:12] And recognize that we all have this infinite creative energy. Infinite creative energy. We can be putting that creative energy into judge, judgment, Judgy Judgerson, or into creating what we would like.

 

[00:12:30] Another way that you could shift it is looking at, “Okay, wow… I wouldn’t choose that.” If you find you still are going down the rabbit hole, what you could then look at is, “Okay, what would I like to create right now? What would I like to create?” 

 

[00:12:48] [It] changes everything because chances are you wouldn’t like to create more judgment. You wouldn’t like to create more of that harsh energy, that unkindness, all of that. You’d probably like to create more space, more ease, more joy, more money, more magic, all the things, right? Once you recognize that you have a choice in that creation, then what’s actually possible?

[00:13:12] Have a great week, sweet friends. I look forward to chatting again next week.

 

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