What is Perfectionism Costing You?
Spoiler alert: A lot!!!
Let me tell you now, sweet friends, it takes a TON of time and energy to be a perfectionist. Is it really worth all that? Tune in to this episode where we discuss this and the tools you can use to manage, and possibly overcome, perfectionism so you could open yourself up to more magic and possibilities.
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[00:00:00] What does being a perfectionist cost you? Welcome to Tools to Create a Better Life With Myself, Glenyce Hughes. Thank you so much for being here. I’m so incredibly grateful for you.
[00:00:11] Yes, if you’re watching this on a video, I am swinging. We are at a house and pet sit in Melbourne, Florida. They have a tiki bar with swings, a big ol’ pool over there, and the sweetest little puppy named Max, who is 119 in human years.He’s sleeping, as he does a lot.
[00:00:31] So, what does being a perfectionist cost you? A lot. A lot. Whether you’re being a perfectionist in your business, in your personal life, it doesn’t really matter. If you look at the time and the energy you put into being the perfectionist, it’s costing you a lot of that time and energy.
[00:00:51] Where is that really coming from? Being a perfectionist is often from this place of controlling ourselves, this place of needing to be right, and it takes 110% judgment to do that.
[00:01:05] So… if that is you, if you are a perfectionist, if you know that you have to do things and redo them and do them and redo them and have all the judgment in there, what you might want to start looking at is if that was a friend of yours and they were showing you, let’s say you’re doing a video for business. If they showed you that video, what would you do? What would you say? Would you tell them to re-record it?
[00:01:32] Now, in some cases, absolutely. There’s been times where I’ve restarted videos, of course, restarted podcasts, of course, or clipped out something I said in the middle of it. 90% of the time, I don’t have to do any of that. I just sit down and start talking and we clip off the very beginning and, of course, me getting into the swing, nobody needs to see that, and then the very end. But 90% of the time, that’s it.
[00:01:55] And then, there’s 10% of the time where it’s like, man, that just didn’t fit what I was saying or I didn’t find the words and it just doesn’t make a very good audio or video or whatever it is.
[00:02:06] It’s not that re-recording or doing something again is necessarily wrong. It’s just what’s the energy behind it. If you need it to be perfect, one, you’re not going to get stuff out there. It’s going to cost you a lot in business because you’re going to be very slow.
[00:02:23] One of the things that I find so interesting on, say, TikTok. Now, there’s lots of different social media platforms and I’m just speaking directly about TikTok right now. If you were to watch some of the videos on there, there are some where they intentionally make a mistake because it gets more views, it gets more comments.
[00:02:46] What I mean by that is if you watch a cooking video and they’re, say, cutting up a lemon, they’ll actually leave the sticker on the lemon so that people go into their comments and say, “Oh my gosh, you missed the sticker on the lemon. Oh, you just drank that,” or whatever it is. It’s really funny. It’s a bizarre thing. The perfect, what we might define as “perfect” or “polished” isn’t actually the things that get the engagement.
[00:03:14] I would say, for me, if I was going to guess why that would be is because we know we’re not perfect. We know nobody is perfect. If somebody’s coming across in their video or in their business that they’re perfect, it’s not going to speak to the same people. It’s not going to have the same energy.
[00:03:35] Will there be some people? Of course, because we’re maybe looking to get a little bit better. But 100% perfect, polished all the time? Probably not.
[00:03:44] The other thing that you want to look at is… in my experience, and a lot of people will tell you this, is that it’s the story that gets people engaged with. Again, I’m speaking about it from a business standpoint. It’s the story that gets people engaged. If you have to be perfect, you’re probably not sharing those stories where you weren’t perfect.
[00:04:08] Now, I stumbled across this by accident. When I first started this podcast back in 2013, oh my goodness, what I started doing was just sharing my stories. Sharing of where I was at and how I changed it.
[00:04:22] I didn’t do that because I read a book. I didn’t do that because a business mentor told me to do that. All those years ago, I wasn’t working actually with business mentors. I was just doing what was fun for me. What I found was sharing the story, sharing the problem where I was at and how I changed it. It’s what people were really interested in.
[00:04:41] Again, if we go back to being a perfectionist — and there’s certainly radio shows, podcasts, videos that I’ve put out where it was like, “Oh no, I know how to do this and here’s how you do this, and now go do this.” They’re not so fun to watch compared to “Here’s where I was struggling, here’s how I changed it, and here’s how you could change it too.”
[00:05:03] Going back to the title of the show, what is being a perfectionist costing you? A lot. A lot of time. A lot of energy. A lot of creativeness. That judgment and that wrongness that we put ourselves in is actually killing all of our creations. It’s killing our possibilities.
[00:05:24] Again, I’ve been speaking to it from a business standpoint which, yes, absolutely, but it doesn’t have to be. This could be your personal life, too.
[00:05:33] If your house always has to be perfect to the point where you don’t have people over because it’s not perfect or you feel shame if somebody stops in unannounced, then that’s costing you your mental health. That’s costing you your sanity.
[00:05:49] Now, all of this, how do you change it? How do you change it?
[00:05:52] To me, first step with everything is really looking at acknowledging it. Being like, “Wow, I’m trying to be perfect here” or “I think I need to be perfect here” or “I should be perfect here, isn’t that interesting?” Call it what it is. “I’m doing this, interesting.” “I’m doing this and I’m wrong,” no. “I’m doing this and interesting. Okay, cool.”
[00:06:17] You could look at, “Okay, so what would I like it to be like?” Hmm, I’d like to be okay with people stopping in unannounced. Okay, what is that actually going to take? The house being perfect all the time? No, that’s not it. It’s being okay with what is.
[00:06:36] And also looking at, in this case, people stopping by unannounced are probably friends. What if you look at those friends? Are they coming over to judge your space? If they are, then maybe they’re not so much friends. But probably not. They’re just coming to see you. They don’t care what your house is like.
[00:06:53] Now, in some cases, you might really just not be happy with the way your house is and you would rather it be different before people came over. Cool, then what can you put in place to get it, to change it so that you can have guests that are unannounced?
[00:07:08] Now, I say that [and] I’m laughing at myself in my head because I’m not a huge fan of unannounced guests and it has nothing to do with the state of my home or other people’s homes as it is now. It really has to do with my comfort level of having people unannounced.
[00:07:28] As I’m saying that, please know you don’t have to be okay with unannounced guests. You can have it be where it just doesn’t work for you and you ask people to let you know when they’re coming by. That’s totally fine. But if you’re doing it from the shame or you need to be perfect, that’s a different energy.
[00:07:43] Acknowledging what is – okay, here’s where I’m operating from. How would I like to be operating? How would I like this to be? Start looking at that instead.
[00:07:52] The other thing is a lot of people who are perfectionists, of course, they might have received that message growing up. You might have had a parent tell you that you need to be perfect, you need to get it right. That might’ve been really drilled into you. I get that that can be a huge factor for some people.
[00:08:11] It’s great to say, “Oh, I’m just going to acknowledge what it is,” and I get that that could be bigger for you. Please know that’s okay if it is, and that you might want to look at what’s required to change that, to change that programming.
[00:08:25] There might be a different therapist, or A therapist. There might be somebody who can assist you with it. There might be a book to read. There’s a bazillion things. We want to look at that, too. We don’t want to, the word is called “bypass,” where we just go, “Oh no, I’m fine and I’m just going to not be a perfectionist.” No. If that’s really drilled into you and that’s really where you’re operating from, that’s a different story.
[00:08:47] The other place that perfectionists can be coming from for a lot of people is the Impostor Syndrome. I did an amazing free training this week and it’s available for download. You’ll find the link above or below. It’s called “A Tool to Crush Impostor Syndrome.”
[00:09:02] It was so much fun. Oh my goodness. You might want to go check that out and see if that fits for you. See if there’s some magic in there to really assist you with that.
[00:09:13] But that’s one of the places where it can come from. It’s just having this idea that you’re not valuable as you are, so you need to then be perfect to be valuable. What if that’s just this huge lie? Like, huger than huge than huge lie that many people have been buying into because you don’t need anything added, ever, to be valuable, my sweet friend. You are valuable just by being. You are valuable just by being.
[00:09:47] If you want to start paying attention to the places where you’ve decided you’re not valuable, or that you need to add things to be valuable, that’s a really great place to start looking at the imposter syndrome, too.
[00:09:58] Now, I’m not saying that every person on the planet is operating from imposter syndrome. Studies have shown 82% of the people on the planet are operating from imposter syndrome.
[00:10:08] There are people like Taylor Swift — yes, I’m a new Swiftie. I’ll be going to her concert next year, 2024. Very excited. There’s like Tom Hanks. These big names who, if you see them perform, you just think they have it all. They’ve got it all figured out. They’re totally confident in who they are. Sometimes, yeah. Like every one of us, sometimes, yes, and sometimes, no.
[00:10:36] Along with that free training, what that is inviting everyone to is a new program that I’ve got starting in January of 2024. If you’re watching or listening to this later, it will be available, of course, in a course form. It’s called “Confident as Fuck.” It’s a 5-week program where we will crush imposter syndrome so you can truly succeed in business and life.
[00:11:00] If you’d like more information, again, that link will be above or below, but do check out that free training. There’s a lot of information in there to really start shifting it, and that tool is magical no matter what area of your life. No matter how you’re dealing, how you’re showing up with this imposter syndrome.
[00:11:18] Just to recap, what I’d like you to look at if you’re struggling with this perfectionist stuff is start acknowledging when you’re choosing it. Start acknowledging when you’re operating from it. And then look at, “Okay, what would I like it to be like? How would I like that to be?”
[00:11:33] If you’re not putting videos out – let’s say you’re recording videos and you’re not putting them out because they’re not good enough, how would you like it to be? Well, probably putting them out. Then just do it! Just do it.
[00:11:44] Remember the people who, on purpose, cut up a lemon that still has this sticker and put it in a blender so that they get more engagement. If you’re messing it up, you’re probably going to get more engagement, and how much fun can that be? How much fun can you have with all of this?
[00:11:59] Have a great week, sweet friends. I look forward to chatting again next week.
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